My Darkest Reflection :: A Dance of Shadows and Mirrors

Most of all, I felt as though I was ahead of my time. It was a challenge for me to find someone who I could really vibe with on a sustainable level.

I got it. He was a Loner. A Lonely Loner–reaching out in an attempt to connect with a like-minded Spirit.

But despite this piece of myself this man was speaking to so clearly and succinctly, I was responding to him in a rather antisocial and mysterious way, which was unusual for me.

I can be very open with strangers, depending on the energy exchanged between us. For some reason, I was not with him.

Invested and intrigued himself, he sat down next to me without asking permission.

He then began to mumble about his House-keeping Job, and how he had missed his gig today. Whatever he was mumbling, I slowly tuned out. As he mumbled his jumble, slouching in his slackness, I looked away, then at him, then past him, then straight-forward. I straightened my spine and felt my crown reach towards the sky, tuning into my own energy, with a gentle smile on my face.

I tuned into my worthiness. I reminded myself that it is a gift and honor for any man to be able to spend time with me, to behold my beauty, and to receive my energy. He was not worthy.

The lack of worthiness amplified when he sweetly asked me if he can call me an Empress.

“What?,” I asked, rolling my eyes internally over the scriptedness of it all.

“You know, there’s Princess, then Queen, then Empress. Empress is at the top. Can I call you that, or is that something that you need to work up to?”

“You mean like a hierarchy?” I asked.

“Yeah, you know, Empress is at the top. Are you ready for that or do you need to kinda get there…”

“I’m beyond all of those titles,” I said, coolly.

“Whoa, whoa now, Empress. Where is your humility?”

“I’m not humble…at all.” I said.

He looked surprised, questioning my disposition.

“And I give major side-eye to anyone who expects me to be,” I finished.

At that point, it has been as if an unwelcome, sloppy guest of a man had invited himself into my precious house of gold, and decided to sit back, on my luxurious couch, take off his over-sized slides, and inform me of who I am and my place in the world.

My Spirit was not having any of it. Not at all.

The more I tuned into my own energy, the more I felt his–and the less bearable it became for me to sit with him. My silence was growing into an elephant. I knew that if I had continued to allow him to sit next to me, I would have been wasting time–both mine, and his.

“Look, I think you should go and find your friends.”

 He quietly demanded an explanation.

“I feel a discord between us. And I want to be left alone.”

He unfolded his phone from his pocket and began tapping on the shattered screen, rudely placing me on hold while he sat there and spoke slowly into the receiver to his fellow bicycle-friend about where he is at the moment, and how he will meet him at McDonalds in a few.

Ugh…McDonalds. I smell low vibes.

I thought about leaving and going off to do something else. I thought about walking away. But I didn’t want to. This was my day. I invested in my trip to the beach. I invested in my massage. In my evening out. In my lunches and dinners. I walked to the Beach, I chose to sit there, and it was my little space that I created for myself. He was the one who needed to leave.

He ended the call, and proceeded to gaze into my eyes and ask me about my love life in that gentle voice he put on.


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