Here is recent video I made. I have been creating Youtube videos for almost 10 years. My videos are quite unique and un-conventional, in the sense that they are so raw, real, and intimate. And in the sense that it is Me.
Although my content has changed a lot over the years–with topics ranging from Atheism, to the vastness of Black Feminism, to Sexuality, or simply–just me in all of my Wholeness and Magick…One element has grown throughout my journey–and that is how deeply, fully, and vulnerably I’ve come to share myself with the world.
Yet, it is only recently that I began to think of how I can monetize and be compensated for my gifts. For years, I have often struggled with feeling a lack of engagement//reciprocation//nourishment around many of my Video sharings.
In the past, before I came into greater self-awareness, I would get angry, make a video cursing all of my subscribers out. I would talk about how I cast pearls to swine, how they don’t meet me at my level of evolution or intellect, and how unworthy they are of my presence.
And then, I would furiously proceed to delete and destroy all of my beautiful videos. I would return 3 months later, anew–softer. Different. And Begin Again.
These days, I thankfully have a different set of tools to lean on than blind rage and projectile insecurities. I have a much clearer and heart-centered understanding of what I desire in terms of how I’d like to be compensated for my gifts, both Spiritually and Financially.
I’ve also come to identify and articulate exactly how these imbalanced exchanges feel in my body…
Sometimes it feels like I’m spreading my legs and putting all of this Spiritual Energy // Goddess Beauty // Vulnerability out, and receiving all sorts of things back.
Comments about my Hair being “Cool”, being someone’s “Dream Girl”, Basic “Thank you’s”, Random Projections…
And Sometimes I Receive Nothing At All.
The people who DO nourish me with wholehearted responses, Love, $$$, etc. are in the minority. But their presence is rich and full. When they make themselves known to me–gushing about how deeply they’ve resonated with my werk, or how it inspires them to create anew within themselves…it is as if everyone else just falls away, and we can create our own world together.
Some of them prefer not to speak at all–they are just silently nourished by my sharings. In the times when I am fed up, feeling cold and unheard in this vast digital space, they will come out of the woodworks and write rich, full paragraphs about how they may have never commented before, but I inspire them very deeply and help them feel understood, and how much they support and understand me.
I love all these people–and want to create more space to grow and develop my relationship with those who are truly meeting me where I am in my current journey.
This year, I have committed to creating a platform with paid subscription options for my Writings, Videos, Photos, and Art…As well as community space to create more intentional community and mutual sharing. I will still maintain an active presence on Social Media platforms such as Youtube and Instagram…but I intend to use these spaces much more mindfully, and reserve some of my richest content for those who are ready, open, and desiring to receive and reciprocate.
I am learning to harness my Gifts, Power, and Voice in a way which nourishes me to continue doing the werk I do, with ease, flow, and abundance. And which also provides space to honour those who truly support me and feel nourished by my Creative Process.
This is Sacred Werk.
It is time for me to honour it as such. Stay tuned for my New Beginnings…
Honoring my Authentic Expression so widely.